At Home…

17 Jul

We are back in the U.S. and though we arrived here at home late Sunday night, we are still recovering from jet lag.  We are emotional from being full of joy and spending time with baby three blessed days in a row…emotional from now being without our little one and without certainty of the date we will again be with him. 

What is it like to become “mama” for the first time and then to have to return to a world where you still aren’t quite seen as a “mama” because you don’t fit the world’s norm?  I know in my heart of hearts that I am now some one’s mama even if the papers don’t officially decree it….even if I don’t bear the physical stretchmarks that mamas bear who are blessed to carry their babies in their womb for several months…I will likely continue to be excluded from some mamas’ circles because they don’t see me as a mama like they are…Does it matter what some think?  Of course, it doesn’t matter.  God has called me to be this little one’s mama through adoption and I am in awe of the miracle that has begun and that God is continuing to work in our lives. 

Saturday and Sunday, my thighs were sore from carrying him around and bouncing him around and I was so proud to keep telling Alan that I still hurt because it was as close as I could get to bearing physical proof that I’d been with our little one…But we are called as Christians to walk by faith and not by sight….For an indefinite time, I’m not going to have sore arms or legs or anything to cling to but my memories, videos, and photos to remind me that God is blessing us with a specific little boy from Russia….

I’m so blessed to have friends and family members who are rejoicing with us having met our son…I have a precious girlfriend who is nearing the end of her first pregnancy who will meet her little one soon who has never made me feel like less of a mama because my first born child is being born in my heart and is not snuggled safe in my belly with a predicted “homecoming.”  She was the first person I remember calling me our first day back here from trip one who spent more than an hour on the phone with me talking to me about our trip and “first-time mama subjects,” like baby beds and high chairs and how weird (and sometimes scary!) it feels to finally be in the “mama stage” of our lives.

If I could share a photo or video with you right now (which I can’t), I would share this with you (okay…this is where YOU have to use YOUR imagination):

Imagine a little child with very few teeth giggling as his mama gently lowers him and lifts him back while she squeals.

Imagine a little child’s gummy grin as he reaches out his egrooshka (toy) as his mama cradles his hand in  her hands and feigns biting on the toy…all while the little one is safely cradled in his delighted papa’s arms.

Thank you all for  your continued prayers and encouragement as we continue on our journey towards becoming parents of this precious little one, our son.  We still lack the funds we need for the next foreign fees but we are praying and trusting that God will provide what we lack to His glory…Pray that God will strengthen our faith as we lean hard on Him during this indefinite waiting time…and that we will be kind to each other and treasure each other as we enjoy our remaining days without the responsibilities of full-time parenthood…

Thanks for stopping by,

Heather

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5 Responses to “At Home…”

  1. Amanda McCaleb July 17, 2008 at 5:30 pm #

    Heather, I was so excited to hear that he is indeed the one! Isn’t God good? Lean, sister, lean. He loves it best when we lean hard into Him…its that acknowledging our need and recognizing His sovereignty that He loves! And it does so much for us! Its good for me to hear this whole process because I’ve never thought of the perspective of someone adopting who has no other children. In so many ways it is a longer labor…

    I will continue to pray for your peace of mind and his safety/comfort/health, etc. Amanda

  2. LL July 17, 2008 at 7:46 pm #

    I have tears in my eyes while reading your post. I am so happy for you and at the same time I ache that you are still not with your son. You, your husband and little one are in my prayers. God Bless.

  3. Michelle July 18, 2008 at 1:39 pm #

    I am crying as I read your post. Especially imagining you playing with your son. May God continue to bless you as you wait these last few months to bring him home.

  4. Teresa July 19, 2008 at 11:22 am #

    Hi Heather, I, too am tearing reading your post. Welcome home and I pray that you get a very quick court date and can finally be reunited with your precious son. Have a great weekend! Teresa

  5. cm July 19, 2008 at 8:38 pm #

    I’m so excited for you guys. I hope you get back there VERY soon to get your little one home.

    cm

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